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SOS diabetes, and HELP?

Posted by RenB on December 29, 2008 – 6:03 pm

Please let me know…. It is about my friend. I’ve been though this fuckng drama once already, and after all the things that have happened this year… I do not think am ready for the second phase…

To tell the truth, it is freaking me out. Totally…..

Does anyone KNOW how to delay this?

Gawwwwd, am not ready for the second phase…. I really am not.

And huh, I don’t even have a say in what they do…

What fun…

Please give me a clue…


This post is under “Uncategorized” and has 13 respond so far.
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13 Responds so far- Add one»

  1. 1. Terrible Said:

    Ren, I certainly feel for what you are going through. But afraid I don’t have any good advice nor knowledge to help. For what it’s worth though I offer what moral support I can to you.

  2. 2. CC McGoon Said:

    I’m so sorry you’re going through this, Ren. I’m completely useless when it comes to medical advice but, like Terrible, I can at least offer moral support. If you need a friend, I’m here.

  3. 3. Anntichrist S. Coulter Said:

    Rene’, you know what’s going to happen.

    There are no miracles, no “home remedies” for gangrene or diabetes. Peter did this to himself, and he’s doing it to you. He’s been doing it for thirty fucking years. He REFUSES to keep himself alive, and he’s going to kill you in the process, so I don’t feel pity or sorrow for him whatsofuckingever.

    All I regret is that you are the one getting hurt by it. He’s already destroyed one foot, he won’t lift a finger to help himself, he did this shit on purpose. And he’s destroying the fabric of your very life, every fucking day. His pompous, arrogant “family” likes to come down from herr mountains and pass judgement on you every couple of years, but do any of them lift a finger or spend a cent to help him or you? Fuck no. What an honor, that they grace you with their presence. They don’t give any more of a fuck about him than he does about himself.

    And you getting killed with worry, physical torment, exertion, poverty, and servitude is NOT AN ACCEPTABLE ENDING. You have always deserved better than him, and you still fucking do. NOBODY deserves the hell that he hath wrought upon your life, especially not in his deliberate decline. You don’t even get to be in LOVE, you’re supposed to be his “friend,”/caretaker/nurse/stepinfetchit/etc., but what in the HELL do YOU get out of it?

    Nobody here can save him, and nobody can save you FROM him, except you. I’ve sure as hell been trying for years, but it hasn’t done shit.

  4. 4. RenB Said:

    CC and Terrible, thank you so much.

    Annti, you are right in so much of your response, and will not freak out online again…

    Hope dies last, you know? You just hope… That someone might know ‘something’.

    I am so tired of seeing blood in shoes, and washing it out of socks,
    as idiotic as it sounds. And having to watch….

    And this afternoon, I just lost it, sorry. So sorry… Am normally very anal retentive…

    There is only so much you can take, you know? You know…

    Whatever, I guess it is time to try to do the unthinkable. And whatever happens, it will half kill me.

    There is a lot you do not know, but you got the basics, all right…

  5. 5. Anntichrist S. Coulter Said:

    I never wanted you to apologize. If you really mean that, then it means that you missed the point of everything that I said.

    I want you to STOP KILLING YOURSELF for somebody who doesn’t give a ratfuck about the fact that HE’S WHAT’S KILLING YOU.

  6. 6. lokywoky Said:

    Renb,

    If your ‘friend’ has been a diabetic for years, he knows what to do. He must watch his diet, monitor his blood sugar, and take his medicine/insulin. If he won’t do that, there is nothing else you can do. Diabetes is a chronic, long-term (lifelong) condition. It’s not fair that some people get it and others don’t, but that is just the way life is.

    If you want to continue to support him, I would suggest that you ask him straight out if he really wants to commit suicide. He’ll be all shocked. But tell him to really think about it – because that’s what he’s doing if he doesn’t do what he needs to do. And then, he can decide to do those things…or not.

    You cannot force people to make choices for themselves. And I have watched family members do stuff that I just wanted to smack them upside the head and say “why are you being so dumb?” But they are making their choices and you must make your own.

    I’m sorry things are this bad – but when diabetics get gangrene and lose limbs – there is no one to blame but them. I’m sorry.

    (Speaking as a diabetic myself)

    Please take care of yourself, because you cannot be of any help or support to him (if you choose that path) if you are sick yourself – and stress and worry will make YOU sick.

    XOXO (((((Renb)))))

  7. 7. Anntichrist S. Coulter Said:

    Thank you for saying that, Loky.

    Peter is easily 30-50 lbs. heavier than Ren, close to ten inches taller, much thicker frame, and guess who has to carry his ass up and down the stairs? You guessed it. Rene’ is no spring chicken, either, which is why he should KNOW BETTER, but he’s driving his own health into the gutter by overextending himself, constantly, for someone who doesn’t even appreciate it; instead, he EXPECTS it.

    If I could afford airfare to Austria, it’d be a very different world today, believe you me…

  8. 8. RenB Said:

    Oh… Lokywoky. Am so sorry. One of my best friends, Roberta was diabetic, and she died shortly after my final visit to Murika. No one should have to have that. No one….

    Peter often talks about suicide, and giving himself ‘the golden shot’, and just fall asleep forever. I have been the ‘nutritionist’ for decades now, and as you know, it isn’t easy, because what was good six months ago isn’t good later. It can drive you up the wall.

    I even turned to a chief doctor of the Dalai Lama, and got some very good advice… (If you work in an hotel, you meet the most unlikely people, you know?)

    His stuff worked for a very long time. But we didn’t have the money to keep going with it, and it was good stuff….

    Rules? No coffee. It intensifies pain. No raw vegetables, they are not digestable. And for cows and rabbits… No bell peppers. Not digestible.

    Believe me, Lokywoki, I did all that.

    But I cannot control what goes on when I am not there. And find an empty box from Demel’s all of a sudden. One of the best pastry and cake shops in the country, in Vienna.

    I know you will understand that. It is all about self-control. My dear friend Roberta killed herself. With rum and coca-cola. Sitting out on the porch. None of the people who loved her ever got over it. Not to this day. She was only thirty-seven.

    I guess I have been fighting an unwinnable war on diabetes, because I am stubborn, unyielding, and sometimes do not like to look truth in the face.

    Which is why this post was inappropriate, and not acceptable on this blog.

    But even if you are a care-taker, as my father defines me, there comes a point when you just want to give up. Am sorry. Am just human.

    And Annti? How do you KNOW about our height and weight? You really scare me. But you got it wrong. He is sixty pounds heavier than me, and I keep him on a fucking diet. Except, except…. he can use the phone, and order stuff when I am not there. Tja, go figure….

  9. 9. Anntichrist S. Coulter Said:

    I know BECAUSE I KNOW. I might forget the names of my friends’ relatives and/or friends from time to time, but rarely forget if those “beloveds” do shitty things to MY friends, tend to file those away for future retribution.

    We’ve been friends for how long? Four or five years? Twelve or fifteen expensive-as-a-motherfucker phone calls that helped me not commit a gloriously gory patricide/matricide with a chainsaw?

    Getting back to “I know,” I DO have pictures, and having been with men and women of all sizes and shapes, platonically or not in nature, I can judge proportions pretty damned well. I didn’t make you out to be an ELF, or anything, but c’mon, he WAS “HERR TENNIS JOCK,” and we both know what happens with a very large-framed, tall and strong slab of meat lets itself rot to shit. Fat may be lighter than muscle (I always float, but I weigh a TON, esp. if unconscious dead weight), but he’s still got GIGANTIC BONES (what ones haven’t been sawn-off like a Civil War vet) and a really big ol’ dementia-tainted noggin.

    He’s been trying to kill himself for 30 years, in order to make himself more “tragic” than your Lyme Disease torture-via-Mengele nightmare. HIS pain/illness/inabilities/refusal-to-function/whims/hissy-fits/BITCH-FITS/insanity/narcissism/hypochondria-on-the-WRONG-points BULLSHIT is ALWAYS more fucking important THAN YOUR ENTIRE FUCKING LIFE. That will never stop pissing me off. You are such a warm, loving, giving person, you have so much to offer to the world, but he’s been SMOTHERING YOU, burying your light under a bushel (and your stories in the fucking attic, the insecure nazi motherfucker!!!) for OVER THIRTY FUCKING YEARS. HE IS THE FALLEN UTERUS AND HERR DICK COMBINED IN ONE BIG, LAZY-ASSED BODY AND PUNKIN’-SIZED HEAD. For YOU to find success, satisfaction, joy, pleasure, creative outlets, ATTENTION FROM THE OUTSIDE WORLD, is the ultimate UNDOING of the MASSAH’S HOLD OVER YOU, HIS (perceived) SLAVE.

    I know that I’m a greedy, selfish bitch, but honestly, I hope that he does kill himself. I know that you won’t know what to do with yourself, you’ll be grief-stricken worse than me and Queen Victoria combined, and genuinely, because he has BEEN your entire life FOR SO FUCKING LONG. But he doesn’t love you the way that you love him, and his idea of “friendship” is SLAVERY. Ask him: He owes YOU nothing but the back of his hand, the TV/film-watching that no one else will do with him, and the sticky floors left to dry and ruin YOUR shoes. To him, THIS IS YOUR LOT IN LIFE, AS AN INFERIOR SPECIES TO HIM, THE AUSTRIAN ULTIMATE WARRIOR RACE.

    ‘Cept he fucked that shit ALLLL the fuck up, and cost himself the body that he (and you) worshiped and used to gain what he used to have. Without his body, he lost his identity, so therefore YOU must lose YOUR identity within his in keeping him believing that there’s some REASON for him to be on the planet.

    To me, there are a BILLION more reasons for YOU to be on my planet, than there are for him to continue to waste another wisp of my oxygen. I know, I’m a cold-hearted evil bitch, and the eugenic-phobes will think that I’m “thinning the herd” because Peter is no longer a sports god. Horseshit.

    He doesn’t want to be here, you deserve to be freed of those one-way-love bonds of slavery (don’t grow up to be your Ranty Aunty Annti, for fuck’s sake!), his family will NEVER pull their own fucking weight with him, they obviously DON’T give a fuck about him, or they’d have taken him WITH THEM by now, or at the very least, have provided for him to be PROPERLY CARED FOR IN A PROPER FACILITY WITH WELL-REGULATED MEDICAL PROFESSIONALS, not those sadistic German cunts who MOCKED him because of his bodily functions.

    Nobody else can save you from him, or from your overblown masochism, my love. I’d give anything in this world to be able to “fix” this shit, but I can’t. I can only keep supporting you and telling you the truth, even if you never listen.

    Speaking of you not listening, I already said that you had NOTHING TO APOLOGIZE FOR, whether it’s posting this nervous breakdown or talking about your personal life in the comments. This is my fucking blog, and I put you here. You are a big part of my life, and what happens to you matters.

    I just don’t think that you need to be REDUNDANT by posting the same nervous breakdown TWICE IN ONE WEEK. We all love you. We all care about what happens to you (though, obviously, we know how Annti feels about that giant 190-lb. gorgon of a PARASITE on your BACK, which is none too healthy its damned self), and we care about what you need to vent.

    My only suggestion re: posting personal tragedy is that you save it all up to launch forth in ONE big post that packs more punch. Plus, it helps keep our fellow bloggers and our brave few readers/commenters from having HEART ATTACKS ON YOUR BEHALF, when you hit the same topic twice in one week. It makes people think that either YOU'RE in the hospital dying or that HE is actually, imminently dying. No such luck.

    He's lost a foot before, and from his behavior, his borderline catatonia concerning his own health & wounds, he's more than happy to lose this one too. He doesn't even TRY to take care of himself when you're not there to SERVE HIM.

    Why in the hell he can't get a home-health nurse/orderly/nurse-practitioner/medical assistant to come by every day and check on him, I have no fucking idea. Surely Austria’s SUPERIOR-TO-THE-ENTIRE-UNIVERSE self-beknighted public health can manage a concept like HOME HEALTH, yes?

    If we can’t get him into a good home, if we can’t get him into a REASONABLY HUMANE home, why in the FUCK can’t we get him a home-health service/nurse, who can LUG HIS BIG ASS DOWN THOSE FUCKING STAIRS INSTEAD OF YOU, DESTROYING EVERY LAST DISK AND VERTEBRAE IN YOUR ARTHRITIC FUCKING BACK?!?!?!?

    We love you, Rene. Stop apologizing for being yourself, for worrying about an unrepentant douchebag whom you still love unconditionally, but who has never been WORTHY of a wonderful man such as you. Just don't spend the whole fucking blog on posting the same thing twice, or (not you) using-up bandwidth with ridiculously-long & unedited stuff that could've been totally reformatted before posting. THAT irks me way the hell more than you talking about your life.

    We're all in different stages in our lives, we're all going through different pains, different joys, different tragedies, different triumphs. How do we learn about life and the world (especially a hyperlexic alien freak like me!) if we don’t SHARE!?!?!? No, I don’t want no touchy-feely 12-step-bullshit “group therapy” thing, but I *do* want Stone Soup. We’ve all got more to give one another than we have thus far, and we have given a HELLUVA LOT to each other, more than any other group blog that I know. We are more of a family than any other blog that I know, even if some of our kinfolk are MIA for obscenely long periods of time.

    Get it yet? Or will you force me to say all of this shit again and again until I poke my eyeballs out with a dull pencil?

    WE. FUCKING. LOVE. YOU.

    Now start returning the fucking favor and LOVE YOURSELF, DAMMIT.

  10. 10. Anntichrist S. Coulter Said:

    P.S. You find out which stores are delivering POISON AND DEATH TO A DIABETIC NARCISSIST WHO THINKS HE'S GLORIA SWANSON, and you go the fuck down there and DETAIL HIS ENTIRE MEDICAL HISTORY TO THEM AND ***WHY*** HE IS NOT TO HAVE THESE THINGS IN HIS HOUSE, OR YOU WOULD'VE GOTTEN THEM AT THE FUCKING MARKET ***YOURSELF.***

    Also mention the lawsuits that have been successful against McD's & other restaurants/bakers who CONTINUED TO FECKLESSLY MONGER THEIR WARES O' DEATH TO OBESE/DIABETIC/EATING-DISORDER PEOPLE who obviously weren't capable of controlling themselves, for whatever mental/emotional/biological reasons, and that if they CONTINUE to deliver SUGAR DEATH to the door of a DYING MAN, that you will TELL THE ENTIRE COUNTRY OF AUSTRIA, IN NO BASHFUL TERMS, how they helped Peter KILL HIMSELF.

    You might not have to take it that far, if they have ANY fucking character WHATSOFUCKINGEVER, but as they continue to deliver to the Apartment Of Death, I'm guessing that their greed is more important than their guilt. Nonetheless, they aren't just enablers to his addiction to destruction, THEY'RE THE DRUG DEALERS.

    OT: BTW, to whichever spyware/viral/adware PARASITIC MAGGOTS have afflicted my dial-up app with A SIGN-IN I.D. THAT IS *NOT* MINE OWN, I'm gonna hunt you cocksuckers down with AVG, AdAware, and Search & Destroy and THEN I'M GONNA FIND OUT WHERE YOU MOTHERFUCKERS LIVE.

  11. 11. RenB Said:

    Annti, am not gonna refute anything you just let go above. Most of it is true enough…

    But it wasn’t my second post on the subject this week, it was a very heartfelt reaction to what Lokywoky wrote. And I MEAN heartfelt. If anyone knows how horrible diabetes can be, I’ve been there. And I learned a couple or three things along the way, and wanted to impart what I do know…

    Is it on my mind? Oh, yes, very much so. It is about compassion, and truly understanding what people go through when they get hit by that.

    My BACK? No, I do not have Arthuritis yet. (that’s a Dad joke). I just can’t lift 106 Kilos any more… The one good thing that happened was Dr. Barry curing my pain after Lyme and ten years of hurt, with Tibetan medicine. He is fucking amazing… and I was very lucky to have met him, because NO one helped me in any way via Western medicine.

    Last but not least…. you still don’t really GET it, do you? I LOVE the idea of calling Demel on the phone, and putting Peter on a black list. But you know WHAT? I do not have a say or any right to do that. In Germany or Spain, that might be possible. But not the fuck here, and the Austrians are gonna get a big surprise real soon.
    Because the European Union is going to FORCE them to accept civil unions between same-sex couples, which the fucking Christian Dems have been hindering.

    That has its’ down-side, of course… Just imagine… I’d be debt ridden for the rest of my life.

  12. 12. lokywoky Said:

    Renb, nothing to apologize for. If you don’t want to rant here, you can come over to my blog and do it – no one reads it anyway but me.

    The purpose of you being ‘here’ is for support. And we are all trying our best to support YOU. Whatever you choose (in spite of Annti’s rant, I know she does too) whether to stay and keep trying, or just give up. It’s up to you.

    If you love him unconditionally, then that is what that means, accepting that he doesn’t have the self-will to stop eating junk. Doesn’t have the self-esteem to ask for, and be grateful for, help. And one day, since he has been threatening to do the ‘golden shot’, you may come home and find him gone. This will be the hardest thing you will ever face because it will be toooooooo easy to say ‘oh if only I had done this or that…’. But it is NOT TRUE. It doesn’t matter what you do. He will make his own choices in the matter.

    As far as the ‘nutritionist’ thing – I have a BS in Nutrition and Biochemistry myself. Really exotic diets don’t work – because people cannot stick to them for whatever reason (finances, too difficult, too much preparation, not enough availability). The easiest is to choose foods that you both like, and portion control is the name of the game. Obviously, you cannot stop him from getting something when you are not there, but if you do it together (portion control!) it will be less of a temptation for him later and he won’t ‘eat the whole thing!”

    Just make sure the diet is lower in white carbs (White bread, rice, etc.) than what most people would consider normal, and eat lots of veggies and salads – it’s okay. If you can, see if he would try taking 150 mg per day of Vanadyl Sulfate. It lowers insulin resistance – helped me to cut my insulin use in half in just two weeks. It only comes in 10 mg pills, but is not expensive – I take 5 at each meal.

    http://www.wholesalesupplementstore.com/vanadyl-sulfate-10mg.html

    And try not to stress about the food so much. It seems like it has become a point of tension between the two of you, and you (both of you) don’t need that. He can still eat pasta, just not so much – and sometimes you just have to have some. I do – I plan for it – heavy on the sauce and light on the pasta – and enjoy the hell out of it.

    Anyway, please take care of yourself – lots of people here care about you – care for yourself too.

  13. 13. RenB Said:

    Thanks, am not really up for ranting of late. Thank you for the tip.

    I will ask for the equivalent at the local apothecary.

    I don’t agonise over food any more. I do as you advised, and downsize on the portions….

    And avoid what is obviously not good….

    And pasta is good, all right, if kept to a minimum. And risotto once in a great while…

    my pc died, so I have to be fast today. Thank you again for the kind words…

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