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…bad things always happen in May…

Posted by Anntichrist S Coulter on May 11, 2009 – 5:47 am

As of 11P CST, roughly, we got news from Mentis that Frau Fugit is OKAY!!! False alarm, thankfully.

Thank yer feline overlords, noodly appendages, or what-have-you. We’s just damned happy that she has a cautious doctor who WANTED to catch whatever-it-might’ve-been.

In other news, no, I have not yet been able to bend any of the douchebags @ “my” bank over the committee room table with a chainsaw-up-the-ass yet, and they’re still dunning my account, the cunts. GREAT AND MIGHTY THANKS to MIRELE, for getting me most of the way free. Couple more bucks, and I can tell those fuckers to kiss my wide, white, gelatinous tattooed ass.
I dunno how I made it through May 6th* without my annual nervous breakdown, but the Bank Of West Redneckistan / Hillbilly HellHole made SURE to give me a fucking CONNIPTION FIT on the 8th, nonetheless, by LETTING MY INSURANCE COMPANY DEBIT ME FOR MY TRUCK INSURANCE EIGHT DAYS EARLY, and cashed my rent check SEVEN DAYS LATE, and for some fucking reason, MY MONEY WASN’T FUCKING THERE, AND THE COCKSUCKERS PEGGED ME FOR ***THREE*** FUCKING $28-A-POP NSF CHARGES.

So as sick as y’all are of my panhandling, begging, and constant fiscal fuckovers, I am a billion times sicker of it. I fucking loathe myself for hitting my friends up for money, when y’all have to WORK FOR A LIVING, and I’m just a useless turd on welfare. I’m 38 fucking years old, and can’t even SUPPORT MYSELF, much less live on the “welfare” that I paid into the fucking system since I started working @ age 12. I would sooner poke out my own eyeballs than beg other people, even my closest people, for help. But here I am again, doing it anyway, because I have no other way to keep these inbred pseud0-blue-blood HILLBILLY CRACKERS FROM FUCKING ME OUT OF AN ADDITIONAL FIVE BUCKS A DAY FOR EVERY DAY THAT I’M FUCKING OVERDRAWN. I shit y’all not. And my NetFlix is gonna bounce, too, ’cause they debit that on the 14th.

SO, if anybody has any money, whatsoever, that y’all can afford to spare, I would greatly appreciate it. (PayPal button @ right) And will happily flog myself with whatever kitchen implements are necessary as punishment for letting these redneck republicunt motherfuckers FUCK ME OUT OF MY OWN MONEY.

The only “good” news that I have is that I finally AM going to get the neck surgery that I’ve needed for 11 years, sometime in June, hopefully, and after that, will at least regain usage of my hands, and eventually, regain a few brain cells from the YEARS AND YEARS OF FUCKING PAINKILLERS that I am all too eager to shed. No, it will not be attractive or fun, but it’ll be worth the week-long home-kit detox to finally be FREE again.
IN MORE IMPORTANT NEWS: I know that Mentis doesn’t want me being a yenta about the heartaches and health issues that have literally PLAGUED his family this year, but could y’all just keep our Kiwi boy & his loved ones in your hearts & minds and send good thoughts their way? Every fucking time that they just get started recovering from the LAST horrible thing, somefuckingthing ELSE knocks ’em right in the fucking giblets. Literally. So send the Fugit Fambly as much love as y’all can, k? I’ll be sending get-well cards for Frau Fugit m’self, so if anybody wants to send with, please don’t hesitate to send ’em down here, LIKE Y’ALL FORGOT TO DO WHEN MENTIS WAS RUN OVER BY SOME FLAKY BITCH SPEEDING THROUGH THE CAR PARK.

*May 6th is the death date, in 2000, of my Nannie, and in 2005, of our Tater, and yet, as I peruse my own archives, I can’t find a fucking thing that I’ve ever written about the date. Maybe because I spend the week before dreading it, and the week following feeling guilty because I’m still alive and they’re not. But despite the dearth of tributes to them, they are never out of my mind, though I, quite frequently, am.

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  1. 1. Mentis Fugit Said:

    Thanks for the good word, Annti. Things would be a lot less fraught if they word they were using wasn’t TUMOUR. That’s instant freak-out right there. Still, the medical system is moving fast, and they caught it early.

    Is there NO recourse with your bank for the fuckup on the placement of funds? There’s got to be SOME agreement the insurance company falls foul of.

    Oh yeah, I forgot: as far as banks are concerned, goalposts are for moving. Did you know that the collective noun for a group of bankers is “wunch”? As in, “Look at that wunch of bankers over there!”

  2. 2. Terrible Said:

    After I saw Anntis e-mail this morning I did a little bit of research on cancer rates by country and so forth. Found this very interesting site. You have to click the continue button at the page bottom to see all the info they have. Anyway New Zealand does have a fairly high rate of ‘all types’. But the good thing is that survivability for bladder cancer is very very high! And of course with any kind of cancer early detection is a HUGE plus!

    HUH!!!! That’s VERY strange! I was just at that site a few hours ago but now it says can’t find server. Maybe it’s down for updates? Anyway here’s the link in case it’s back up again sometime.

  3. 3. CC McGoon Said:

    Much love to Mentis and Frau Fugit. I hope her recovery is quick and pain-free.

  4. 4. Anntichrist S. Coulter Said:

    Ditto ditto ditto!!! May Frau Fugit be up, about & whuppin' ass in no time!

    And no, there is no legal recourse against these fuckers unless you're a fucking millionaire republicunt, in which case the bankers themselves will fellate you whenever you want, and lick your asshole clean several times a day.

    Wunch is a good word for 'em. Bit too kind, but funny nonetheless.

  5. 5. RenB Said:

    Mentis, I am so at a loss right now to tell you anything other than that hope all will turn out right. I do. People can be resilient. Believe it, and am sure she will be.

    If I am not so bloviatingly long… am somewhat preoccupied at the moment. With this:

    The tone is flip, but am so bloody angry.

    And I SO KNOW how that feels.

    Mentis? All you can do is BE there. And do not know about you, but feeling helpless isn’t one of my options. So BE there.

    Have been there so many times in my life, but YOU just carry on and be strong. Mrs. Fugit will fight…

    But you have to be there, which goes without saying….

    People survive, Mentis. Just don’t let them grind you down….

    You can be anything in this world, but most important is to be strong and believe it will be ok… somehow, anyhow…

    And sometimes it works. I know.

  6. 6. Mentis Fugit Said:

    Some good – nay, great – news at last.

    They found nothing.

    His Noodly Goodness only knows what was showing up on the ultrasound that started the panic, but the surgeon just phoned me at home to say they’d finished the cystoscopy and Frau Fugit is clear of anything sinister. I will be able to bring her home later today.

    I’m sorry to have raised a false alarm, but relieved beyond belief that it was a false alarm.

  7. 7. Anntichrist S. Coulter Said:


    In a purely atheist sense, of course.

    But WOO HOO!!!!!!

    So, you gonna greet her with a 55-gallon drum of cranberry juice when she gets home?

    And can you outrun her?

    Seriously, we are ALL damned grateful that Frau Fugit is okay, but you GOTTA make her laugh about this shit at some point. Fuck, she’s been through MORE than enough this year, I think. As have you. If anybody ever DESERVED to hit the damned lottery, it’s y’all!

  8. 8. RenB Said:

    That is the best news in a long time Mentis… Am so glad for you both.

  9. 9. Terrible Said:

    Glad to hear that Mentis!!!

  10. 10. CC McGoon Said:

    I’m happy to hear Frau Fugit is going to be okay.

    Mentis, I hope your family’s bad luck quota for the year has been met, and that the rest of 2009 will be filled with laughter, salary raises, margaritas, and every other kind of goodness you can imagine.

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