OH HOLY RATFUCK!!!!!!
Bad enough that last month I missed our BiblioHo, Tammy-Tam-Tam’s birfday, but THIS MONTH, I completely clusterfucked MENTIS FUGIT’S BIRFDAY!!!!!! I won’t mention a number, that’s up to him, but I thought that his birfday was on the FIFTEENTH, as in TOMORROW, but it was actually THE TWELFTH!!!!!! I R FUCKTARDED. And now he & Frau Mentis are off on their 25th anniversary holiday, and no telling WHEN he’ll see this and realize that I didn’t fuck-up his birfday post ON PURPOSE. I’m just STOOPID.
Happy happy joy joy happy happy joy joy and all that rot, honey, here’s hoping that you & the loverly Frau are enjoying the hell out of Australia and that when you DO see this, you’ll be glad to see it, rather than pissed that I fucked it up. Give Frau Mentis all of our love, and congrats on the 25th anniversary! And, y’know, getting into geezerhood yerself personally… heh heh heh…
And before I fuck HERS up, I hafta mention our beloved Mags, aka Sitara, who is almost a month older than TEH FALLEN UTERUS, come HER birfday on the 31st!!!!!! Can’t help it, I hadda whip that one out on her ONE of these days, the heifer still owes me a vibrating rubber ducky! But we loves you, Mags, and wish you all of the bestest things on earth, like YOUR OWN PBS COOKING SHOW, as I’ve been saying for many a fuckin’ moon…
Butchy’all know what IS the big-skeery-important event on the 15th (not “ON TOMORROW,” as way too many lingual idiots are saying nowadays!!!)?!?!?! Our nearly, dearly-beloved REDCANE is going under the knife tomorrow, Cali time, so BE THINKING GOOD THOUGHTS FOR HIM ALLLLLL DAMNED WEEK LONG!!!!!! Even if y’all don’t know Redcane like I do, please share yer love with him nonetheless, as y’all have bottomless wealths of love that you’ve always shared with me. (and yes, I realize the grammatical clusterfuck there, but just go with it, it works for me!)
Welp, that’s all the excitement for tonight. I actually paid most of my bills this month, so I will, once again, be WAY the fuck FAR BEHIND on delivering ANYBODY’S birfday prezzies, as has become the usual. I haven’t delivered a birfday prezzie since FEBRUARY, as it’s FIVE TIMES MORE EXPENSIVE TO DO EVERYFUCKINGTHING IN NEW ORLEANS. Rent, utilities, gasoline, phone bills, and the cunts @ Entergy STILL think that I’m gonna pay for some THIEVING DOUCHEBAG IN CRACKERY ZACHARY TO KEEP USING MY ACCOUNT NUMBER TO GET FREE ELECTRICITY!!!!!!! They can suck my euphemistic cock and suck a fart outta my ass at the same time. And don’t get me started on what passes for a “food bank” box around here… I gotta move to a better neighborhood, even if it’s on Claiborne Avenue. Hey, THOSE projects have a fuckin’ POOL!!! And maybe the Food Stamp office will actually RECEIVE MY MAIL if I send it from there, as opposed to Back Bumfuck, where I am now. Anyway, the pool: my dear darling physical therapy douchebag has TAKEN AWAY FROM ME for making some fucking PROGRESS. Yeah, that makes sense.
Anyway, much as I hate myself on a regular basis, I must once ago subject y’all all to my ugliest display of loserness possible, in rattling the collection plate like a fucking faith healer, and I don’t even give anybody the adrenaline rush & endorphin O.D. that they get from a charismatic pseudo-jeebus frenzy.
Or as my once-again-disowned-me-former-friend expressed recently, here I go, abusing my joke of a pathetic little two-bit blog where I’ve accomplish NOTHING since Hurricane Gustav and haven’t written a decent word since they put me back onto the fucking narcotics.
But if ANYBODY has five or ten bucks that they wouldn’t mind sharing, that they can AFFORD to share, I’d be most grateful, as I’m down to the seven bucks in my wallet. Thanks, y’all. And most of all, thanks to my faithful few who still ARE around, ’cause y’all are the best. The ones who’ve bailed? Fuck ‘em. I can’t hang with a buncha pussies anyway.
(BTW, the picture isn’t OF or ABOUT Mentis, it’s one of the best get-well prezzies I’ve ever gotten, FROM Mentis…)