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Posted by Anntichrist S Coulter on November 19, 2011 – 8:59 am

They oughta be paid a SALARY for this shit!!!

First the PayPal link, which is longer than FUCK.

Here’s hoping that I copied that properly and didn’t cock it all up, especially considering that Mary, Scott, Sheri, and my whole WO’C famliy are some of the most precious people in the world for me, and who have done more to help ME survive than any other bloggers on earth, and damned close to Redcane/Nannie territory.

Yes, half the bloggers on the planet helped-out during Katrina and the world’s worst/most-embarrassing OUTRIGHT FUCKING SCAM perpetrated by that Fred’s Super Ghetto Store “manager” over a brain tumor that never existed, and NO, she will NEVER go to jail.  Must be blowing all of the right people.

But I’m not on here to blather about MY fucking failures. Go forth and read Scott’s & Mary’s own words on why they (which a VERY FUCKING RARE EVENT!!!) are humbly and sincerely asking for your help.

If you need to buy a gift and can’t do that AND donate, buy THE.  BEST.  HOT-TEA/HOT-COCOA MUG ON ERF!!!! Buy the FIRST installment in an indefatigable series of “Better Living Through Bad Movies,” which will make your friend/loved one damned near pee his/her pants laughing, WHILST LEARNING very important life lessons, as only S.Z., Scott & Mary could teach them. I wish that they had a whole store o’ snark, with viciously evil bumperstickers that I’d happily write for them (YES, *some* of them would carry a weak, sniveling, MERE PG-13 RATING!!!), but we gotta find a better platform than Cafe’ Press, after what Cafe’ Press did to censor Jesus’ General for his mocking-the-mondern-day-fucking-NAZIs graphic.  I shit y’all not.  They can’t tell the difference between CONSTITUTIONALLY-PROTECTED POLITICAL SPEECH/SATIRE and a PRO-HITLER T-SHIRT!!!!!! (UPDATE:  THEY’VE GOT A T-SHIRT UP NOW, along with a bidness journal AND what looks to be a VERY promising BUMPERSTICKER!!!)

See what I mean?  Maybe when more work gets tidied-up and compiled towards the ends of this 2nd installment of the book, I can nag Scott & Mary into letting me write tremendously rude bumperstickers for them,  if we can find the right Sticker Monkey Junkie-style printer AND a sales platform with MORALS.  A bitch can DREAM, right?!?!?

IN THE MEAN TIME, please, please, PLEASE, whatever you have to spare, be it five bucks or fifty, please DO help Scott & Mary. As y’all well know, since the lie conspiracy that killed Teh Dick last year, I literally have NO fucking “family” except for Candice, my semi-adopted surrogate TWENTY-YEAR-OLD-ALREADY (!!!) AND Y’ALL!!!!!!

We gotta keep the band together kids, otherwise, what the fuck are we gonna do when we gotta get the band BACK TOGETHER?!?!!?  Ain’t like we can drag Ray Charles back from the dead to play that Hammond electric piano and get us the best instruments on hock, y’know.

Y’all are my family. I know, even in my darkest, dankest, most-painful, most-abused, most-pointless days here in Bigot Hell #3, that I am loved.

It may not be whole-conversations-every-day love, though I am missing the hell outta Mentis lately and I hope that it’s not because I still haven’t mailed HIS birfday present yet, EITHER!!!  There’s a giant paper-towel box sitting under Aunt Thelma’s round kitchen table, FULL-UP to the fucking BRIM with y’all’s presents.  I just suck at getting them DELIVERED.  I’m sorry.  Turly and deeply and forever.

And yes, I realize how much pressure and how alienating that it can be for y’all, to constantly hear me saying how much I love y’all and need y’all in my life, AND NO, not just FOR THE MONEY!!! —  but I’d rather over-say it than not say it enough.  I never got to tell Tater before they pulled his plug, they pulled the plug on Nannie before I could drive almost 200 miles in 75 minutes, when Papa died, they just finally unplugged him and finally allowed him to escape THE most-torturous drawn-out death that I have ever witnessed.  When Daddy, aka Teh Dick, died, the TRYING-TO-INVALIDATE-HIS-NOT-AN-ORGAN-DONOR ORDERS motherfucking organ-harvesting VULTURES had ALREADY quick-cooled his body down to FORTY DEGREES by the time that we were allowed to see him.  None were ideal situations for any involved, except for the Fallen Uterus.  But most of all, selfish narcissist that I am, I never got to say goodbye.  I wasn’t even holding Boy when he gasped his last excruciating breath.

So a long as y’all are masochistic enough to accept my e-mails and occasionally actually SHOW UP HERE, YOU’RE IN. Just like Pacino, you can keep TRYING to get out, but I’ll almost always (and yes, it breaks my heart to remember the TRUE friends that I’ve lost and can’t get back) manage to drag you back in, make whatever dirty jokes you will outta THAT ONE.

Sorry for the blathering, I’m a LONG time past bedtime.  But please, please please, DON’T FORGET MARY & SCOTT & S.Z., kay? If y’all haven’t made it over to World O’Crap, GO.  You will never regret it, which I can’t say about many blogs on this planet.  Support the arts, support publiv healthcare, support their Feline Overlords, but most of all, support 3 of the funniest, wittiest, most-intelligent motherfuckers that I have ever known.

If anybody else is planning a fundraiser or blog-maintenance kitty-rattling post, please let me know so that I can get it up on here in tmie.

AND: I hate like all hell to do this to y’all this way, but a HUMONGOUS and ashamedly-belated virtual hug & kiss & laughter-gift to our beloved Suzy Cream Cheese from November 7th!!!!!! If you live near or know our dear-hearted Suzy IRL, please, whomever you are, wherever you are, I ask you to hug on her and love on her and give her planty of sugar for me and the whole MOB/WOC mob, ’cause we miss her and need her back around here soon!!!

Much of the same could be said of our other birfday girl, CCMcGoon, whose birfday is on the 28th of this month.  Miss her wit, intelligence, and visceral righteous indignation that empowers her to call BULLSHIT!!!!!!” on all that ain’t right.  And while I hope that she never encounters a certain alleged “retired Marine” DRUMMER up thar in tha Panhandle, I hope that, as her last birfday prezzie hasn’t even been sent, that if I can’t get her prezzie to her, that SOMEBODY will have the sense to give that girl a HUGE hug & a kiss from me and all of us here at MOB  —  we miss you and love you and WANT YOU BACK HOME, HEIFER!!!!!!

(Sorry to not have links for the birfday girls right yet, but I’ll come back and fix ‘em when I have an active brain cell, my loverly, highly-admirable ladies.)

Lastly, as a part of my general-sentiments about the disgusting commercialization of everything from November 1st to January 15th, that I left in the comments @ WO’C:  It might not apply to everybody or everything, but slack-ass USED-TO-BE-A-WRITER loser that I am, I though it worth mentioning:

Any other good nightmare-inducing toys that you can remember, Bill? That pee-and-poop doll STILL gives me the shivers, if only from the yelling from the F.U. to STOP WASTING HER FUCKING PAPER TOWELS… I’d asked Santa for a Tri-Lab Kit and a Tonka Truck. I got a scatological BABY DOLL and more yelling. Wheeeeeeee. I fucking HATE this, the most crassly-commercial invented-entirely-out-of-whole-cloth-by-teh-Unholy-Roman-EMPIRE so-called fucking formerly-Druidic “holiday” and every dime that is spent upon it.

If you are fortunate enough to be able to give gifts to your friends, grocery store gift cards, electrical-company/co-op credits (yes, it is possible, I’ve done it for a friend before, believe it or not), even that most-evil of all Chinese merchandizing monoliths, Wally World — if your friends are in the same shape as everybody else this year, especially like Scott & Mary, as well as Sheri’s boundless generosity towards critters of literally EVERY description, PetSmart or Tractor Supply gift cards would be VERY thoughtful, if not outright PayPal cash (I’m working on it, y’all, I prmoise!!!), even gift cards for postage for goody boxes from the USPS, you can help get a friend a leg-up in SO many ways this year, and none of them come from a fucking SHOPPING MALL, thank fuck.

Okay, sermon over. Back to evil toys & dolls that create horrifying noises, excretions, and other inadvertently-amusing perversities.

November 19, 2011 5:43 AM

Love, yer Ranty Annti (lost the “Aunty” title 2  years ago, too, so now we’re down to just TWO ego-trip words!).

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  1. 1. Anntichrist S Coulter Said:

    Yup, I failed, once again, to properly imbed a fucking PayPal link. Go to World O’Crap and proceed from there, via any of the WO’C links in this post, kay?

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