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Better late than pregnant!

Posted by Anntichrist S Coulter on December 4, 2011 – 8:55 am

Well, fuck, it’s the only “positive” spin that I can put on having already MISSED birfdays of my dearly-beloveds, along with the year-long failure of not having been able to mail a SINGLE FUCKING PREZZIE OUT since I left Crackery Zachary, home of the PURELY-SUBJECTIVE NEO-NAZI-PUNKS-IN-TRAINING-PANTS tickets for DRIVING WHILE LIBRUL, NON-BREEDING AND SINGLE FEMALE.  If y’all thought that the REAL New Orleans was expensive to live in, compared to the rest of the state, y’all ain’t seen SHIT.  The NEW New Orleans is nothing BUT carpetbagger prices, from the Winn-Dixie where I can NEVER get a handicapped space ’cause the male-menopause over-compensator “cops” working detail CAN’T BE FUCKING BOTHERED, to the movie theaters, smoke shops, bars, parking, doctor’s offices, buses, and ESPECIALLY gasoline.  The ORIGINAL carpetbaggers must be cackling their fat white-trash asses off from their bunkers in hell (just to the left of Dick Cheney’s basement) at the TOTAL FUCKING ***SCAMS*** perpetrated upon us NOW.  My one consolation is remembering all of the women of the French Quarter, whether high-born Creole or “back door” Creole from free people of color AND freed slaves, DUMPING THEIR CHAMBER POTS OFF THE BALCONIES AS THE YANKEE TROOPS PARADED DOWN DECATUR STREET and alllll up & down Royal.  Bibul-banging pseudo-xian republicunt trust-fund babies can kiss my ass, this is a town for TROUBLE-MAKIN’ WOMEN!!!!!!

(RX warning:  hadda go cold-turkey on the birth-control pills again (nope, not USING them, just trying to fight The Cramps From Hell!!!) b/c of even FURTHER skin perversions/abnormalities, partly thanks to the EVIL NO-DICK MOTHERFUCKERS WHO VANDALIZED THE A/C OUT OF MY TRUCK ON MAY FIRST. And fuuuuuuck a buSpring 09 Bubbe Boy Resplendent Upon His Royal Cushionncha WALLY WORLD SUNSCREEN —  about as “good” for my skin as the BURNING skin atrocities from those thieving cocksuckers @ AVON and their bitches @ Travelers’ Insurance!!!!!!  So if I get overly soppy/loquacious as I blather on, it ain’t ALL my fault, believe it or not.  My body is just starved for estrogen & progesterone.  Sue me.  And may Bubbe-Boy’s ghost haunt every one of those peckerheads and leave “surprises” in all their suitcases, too!!!)

Okayyyyy, THAT sermon over, here’s to the IMPORTANT shit: BIRFDAYS!!!!!! Too many already passed, but many more to come!

On the 2nd, ’twas another day of thrills and chills and culinary adventures for my dearly-beloved Rene’/RenB, and yes, I still wish to fuck and back that he’d come back to the states.  I understand why he doesn’t, duh. It’s like that ecard about Thanksgiving reminding you of why you moved AWAY from yer “relatives” IN THE FIRST FUCKING PLACE.(I searched for that fucker for an HOUR and couldn’t find it, so maybe y’all can!) At least he’s got one of the coolest pops on earth, our dear Raffles, a hell-raiser nonagenarian who’s STILL up to trouble! May Rene’ live at least as long, as long as he outlives ME, ’cause NOBODY gets off of this planet BEFORE ME, any fucking more, dig?  Yeah, I know, morbid-as-fuck dark humor for a birfday wish, but Rene’ gets it, and that’s all that matters.  One of the bestest friends I’ve ever had that I never even met, and someday, that damned powerball’s gonna come in and we are gonna go all over Europe, shopping the place BALD. Especially those Italian pope-slippers, but y’all KNOW that THIS bitch ain’t gonna EVER pay RETAIL*, especially if they look like Pope Panzerfaust/Chupacabra!!!  How Rene’ survives amongst so many of teh many-fanged-one’s acolytes, I have nooooo fucking idea, I just hope that they don’t stress HIM out as much as they do me!  (so to speak.  NOBODY “does” ME anymore, for five long, helluva-lot-easier years!)

Today, the 4th, is the natal celebration of the biggest slut on Facebook, our dearly-beloved Wo’C compatriot, Actor212, aka Carl. Sometimes I wonder if that boy didn’t escape from shine-running territory in the Appalachians, but he’s still a pretty cool guy, even if he can’t outrun the revinoors.  Haven’t heard much from him lately, but at least I know that he knows, wherever he may be getting cute women drunk tonight, that I’m still singing, “NEENER-NEENER NYEH-NYEH, NYEH-NYEAH NA BOO-BOO, I’LL ALWAYS BE YOUNGER THAN YOU!!!!!!” At any rate, Carl, have a happy and a horny (like we need to tell him THAT!) birfday, fulla good drinks and better times, gorgeous women (not jail bait!) who do you some FABULOUS prezzie-type favors for your birfday!

Tuesday the 6th is a day that I always *especially* celebrate, and not just ’cause I’ve spent all of that poor man’s money on trying to not look like a meth whore and not having to live in the truck.  REDCANE!!! He ain’t around here much lately, workin’ his fingers to the bone as always, but he knows how much he is loved and appreciated, not just by me but also by the whole M.O.B. family. For your birfday, Redcane, I hope that you get laid enough to hafta walk like John Wayne, but never have to wear those shitty rugs!!!  May the lotto/powerball kick in for you, and me, too, so that you never have to rescue me ever again!  And if I could, I’d send you hot-and-cold running highly-educated hot chicks, and all the best leather available on the fair-trade market!  Love & hugs & gratitude, my friend.

On the 8th, we have to remember that, even though we whupped their asses TWICE (see:  Johnny Horton’s biggest hit, even though Andrew Jackson was a genocidal maniac when it came to us damned dirty Injuns!!), that there are occasionally decent Limeys over thar, and as much as they envy/mock us simultaneously, that they NEEEEEED us as much as we need them (though the only “need” for Tony Blair, aside from being Dumbya’s lap-dog, in the lap-lap-lap sense!  —  would be as a men’s room attendant @ some Librul-Commie LABOUR club, if such a thing still exists, ’cause he sure as hell needs to remember what the Labour Party was actually ABOUT, damned boot-licker!) , and sometimes, they’re even intelligent and entertaining *(See Terry Pratchett & Neil Gaiman), and oh yeah, Andy’s been known to make me crack a smile, even if he usually provokes me into cracking a whip.  And no, he’ll NEVER have enough money to bring ME outta retirement!  In ANY sense of the word… heh heh heh… Hope that you land a loverly lady soon, son, or we’re going to start taking up a collection, and no, I don’t think that PIPPA is the IDEAL GIRL, so give up on THAT.  Adele would make a loverly in-law, especially if she comped me a few CDs and tickets…  Think that we could get you up next to her???  It’s a nice thought, ain’ t it…  Send progress reports!

THIS 11th is for Tiffany Rose, the dearly-beloved of Rekanize, a dear long-term friend (I was going to link to his photography/work site, but it kept redirecting to fucking CAFE’ PRESS, and we KNOW how I feel about THEM!!) who may or may not be moving back to New Orleans some time in the past year or next year.  Hey, it ain’t many broads who let me KEEP my guy friends (If I’d WANTED to fuck him, I’d have done so before he ever MET YOU ANYWAY, so RELAAXXXXX, bitches!!!  Thankfully, I’ll never have to have that conversation with Tiff.  Besides, as adorable as Donovan is, his disco music would make me puncture my own eardrums.  All the love in the world for the boy, but give an old album-oriented-rock broad a BREAK.), so I am especially thankful that Tiffany is one of the coolest women I’ve ever met, AND she sends FABULOUS goody boxes, too! Happy-happy joy joy and may y’all come back to civilization SOON!!!

Oh, my, on the 15th, it’s one of the VERY VERY FEW republicans (I’m being NICE here, gimme a break) that I have to admit is generally a decent human being, my old-back-at-LSU-days bud formerly known as “AwCResQ,” or Norrie if she likes you.  Soooo many jokes that I *could* make, but nobody would get ’em but us, and they’re so dated, WE might not even remember!  A whole nother year of critter rescuing (but not letting ’em take over the whole house or your whole year!), hard work and appropriate renumerations, and my sick faith that someday, somehow, I will FINALLY drag you out of The Dark Side and over here with the rest of us critter-defending dirty-hippie freaks.

The 18th brings us the joy of knowing that fetal phantasmagoria, Hermes, one of the snarkiest, funniest brains-for-days fellas I’ve ever had the pleasure to know, even I am the laziest blog-neighbor in the world and never remember to go visit worth a shit.  Here’s hoping that he is able to finally figure out how to eliminate the republicunts from this planet and leave the buildings standing, someday SOON.  He’s GOT to know some “Big Bang Theory”-type folk who can help him with the chemical formulas and distribution mechanisms.  WHAT?!?!? *I* think about this shit all of the time, and I can’t be the ONLY one, can I???  Hugs & love, sociology boy!

The 20th brings us a fabulous lady to whom I can only refer as “Mrs. Realist,” as I dunno her online nics or where she hangs out on teh innernet toobs.  Tougher’n a pine knot, funny as hell, and able to whup a t-bone car wreck with one arm broken!  Another really cool broad who keeps one of my favorite fellers functional and free.  Thanks for everything, honey, and keep them shitty drivers in line!

On the 21st, we celebrate the existence of the one and only Doghouse Riley of Bats Left, Throws Right, a World O’Crap regular of no small  import.  We may not be tighter’n thieves, but few commenters or bloggers have impressed me quite so often with snarky brilliance that’s even historically correct!  Happy happy joy joy, Doghouse, and hope you swing by once in a while!!!

On the 22nd, our dearly-beloved and MIA for far too long Miss Poppy (anybody who knows where & how she is, please lemme know!!!) hits another milestone, but of course, with her secret work as a non-gubmint espionage specialist, we can’t tell ya which one…  Most of all, we wish her health and happiness and to someday soon grace us again with her beautiful presence!

Lastly but hardly leastly, on the 27th, a dear friend of long standing and immeasurable patience (all the more remarkable for a reformed COP!  Hee hee hee…), Officer Phil of San Diego fame and AmericanIndian.net brilliance.  Anything you EVER wanna know about NDN/Native American history, Phil’s got it or can find it for ya!  Sending love and hope that the damned winds die down out there, at least long enough to light all of those birfday candles without starting another fucking canyon fire!  XOXOXO  Happy happy joy joy!!!

Well, folks, them’s the yolks, and I am pooped.  Keep good thoughts about everybody over at WoC and all of our birfday babies in your minds, and hope that I don’t need BAIL MONEY anytime soon…  and that somehow, someday, I will GET THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PARTICULAR CORPORATE-OWNED HELLHOLE!!!!!!

*(I have a Hebrew given name and a Scottish surname  —  I’ve never paid retail a day in my life!!!)


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  1. 1. Terrible Said:

    Bestest birthday wishes to all!!

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