Why PETA sucks #1
Yes, Steve Irwin died. It fucking sucks. I don’t have any personal attachment to the man, and frankly, his voice made my eardrums climb the walls, but he did an assload of good work. For Australia, for the Australia Zoo, and for animals and conservationists all over the fucking planet.
Is it ironic that he was killed by a typically “passive” animal? Maybe not so much ironic as just “Damn!” Is it surprising that he died on the job, with his boots on, so to speak? Not so much.
I’ll tell you why I like people like Steve Irwin and Jack Hanna: Because they spend their whole lives WORKING THEIR ASSES OFF TO SAVE ANIMALS AND TEACHING OTHER PEOPLE TO LOVE AND APPRECIATE AND TO WANT TO HELP ANIMALS.
And I’ll tell you why I despise those vapid media-whore publicity cunts at PETA: Because you can live to the ripe old age of a hundred and forty, and you will NEVER fucking see A SINGLE ONE OF THOSE SLIDING-DOWN-THE-CELEBRITY-FOOD-CHAIN BITCHES so much as going down to the local animal shelter and volunteering, NOT FUCKING *ONCE*!!!!! You will NEVER see a PETA whore scooping any dog poop that didn’t come out of their TEACUP CHIHUAHUAS, you will never ONCE see them stopping in the middle of Elysian Fields Boulevard to pick up a dog that’s just been run-over by some helmet-haired old snatch in a shiny Cadillac. Far too inconvenient for these exposure-hogging bimbos. Far too much work for people who prefer to take milk away from first-graders, ’cause it’s so much more HIP to drink SOYMILK. Far too low-d0wn and NON-MEDIA-ATTENTION-GRABBING for people who’d rather be nekkid in Times Square to show off their plastic surgeons’ latest achievements.
I’m paraphrasing here, but I will never EVER fucking FORGET when Jack Hanna was on “Politically Incorrect” on ABC, and he shut Bill Maher’s (leather-wearing, meat-eating hypocritical) PETA talking points DOWN!
Basically, Maher, in lock-step with Pam Anderson and similar geniuses of PETA, was bitching about zoos and equating them with “animal SLAVERY”. I shit you not.
And Jack Hanna, for the first time that I’ve ever seen him get pissed, EVER, looked Bill Maher right in his fucking eyes (okay, he looked down) and said (again, paraphrasing):
“You know what the world would be like without zoos? It would be minus several thousand species of animals, because WITHOUT ZOOS, there would never have been conservationists to SAVE THOSE SPECIES FROM GOING EXTINCT, and they wouldn’t still be around for people LIKE YOU to enjoy!”
First and only time that I’ve ever seen Maher speechless. Granted, I don’t have HBO, and I do miss The Angry Little Man sometimes, but not that much. That PETA shit goes all the way to the bone with me. They don’t give a fuck about animals OR people, they’ve constructed a fashionable “moral fascism” platform in order to get publicity for rapidly-fading stars, and there are a few actual vegans in there who MIGHT have adopted a stray dog or two in their lives. Other than that, it’s all about a straw-man argument against omnivorous humans, as if we don’t have cuspids for a fucking reason. I love animals. I’ve had animals around me almost all of my life. I go to deal with The Beastmaster and Her Dick every single fucking day, just so that I can spend time with my cats.
But I’ll eat a good steak, too, buddy. And I’m not a fucking hypocrite about it like certain vertically-challenged people.
And that’s what I’m going to miss about Steve Irwin. As weird as he was, he was one of the most positive things to happen to animals in a long damned time. He was real, he was out there, and he didn’t give a rat’s ass who didn’t like it. He loved animals, and he worked his ass off his entire life, taking care of and helping them. Even if he’s not the Buddha in his next life, he’ll be damned close, ’cause he’s sure as hell earned the karmic brownie points.
(Props to Blackdog for the suicidal blackdog graphic!)