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Just. Fucking. Kill. Me.

Posted by Anntichrist S Coulter on April 12, 2007 – 6:24 am


Turns out that the spine fusion from my birthday (10/11/06) is falling apart, the biggest screw that’s supposed to be holding the bones together (since the disk between them was obliterated) has BROKEN THE FUCK OFF, and I’m still as screwed as I was when I called that ambulance-chasing mongol, Morris Bart, and he sent me to a fucking CHIROPRACTOR who released me, knowing that I had a BROKEN FUCKING BONE IN MY BACK, and then Morris got $8G and I got $2G and WOUND-UP IN THE FUCKING CHARITY HOSPITAL SYSTEM FOR THREE FUCKING YEARS, FIGHTING TO HAVE THE FUCKING THING ***FIXED***. Three years on narcotics, all the way up to Oxycontins for a WHOLE FUCKING YEAR. Missing the last three years of my Nannie’s life. Being too fucking stoned to keep Tater off of the fucking streets, running with the drug dealing white-trash-with-money who murdered him. Three wasted fucking years to get my fucking back fixed.
Then that held up for 5 years, after a neurosurgery resident “invented” the procedure to fix it. Then Katrina hit, and y’all sent $5,000+ down here for me to get supplies, food, clothes, etc. to the evacuees and to the LSU Vet School emergency animal hospital/shelter, and in the process of being an amateur teamster, hauling, loading & unloading about a ton of supplies, my back was re-broken, the bolt & the screws holding it in place were stabbing me in the spine & hip & pelvis, and I had to have the hardware removed. So Dr. Smartass removed them (I’m still trying to figure out how to make the motherfuckers into jewelry) and did the fusion.

When I woke up in the recovery room, I distinctly heard Dr. Smartass explaining the procedure to another doctor, including the phrase, “It didn’t work out like it was supposed to… I had to ‘improvise’ around that big lump of nerve tissue, but it should hold up.” When I questioned him about it later in his office (after being released from the hospital), he just about shit a BRICK — I wish to hell that I’d had a picture of the expression on his face.
“How do you know that? Did your parents tell you that? Who told you that?”


Apparently, I had so much nerve tissue sticking out of the bottom of my spine, where they were manipulating the vertebrae together and getting rid of the rest of the disk, there was a “bulge” of nerve tissue that HE didn’t know how to “handle,” and he just “improvised,” meaning that the fusion was not done according to instructions and, most likely, not done properly.

And now, the main screw that’s supposed to be holding this whole jury-rigged construction together is BROKEN. That’s what I’ve been feeling, ratcheting in and out of the bone, every fucking time that I breathe, move, sit, stand, walk, lie down, etc. The sound effects that newbies at Jesus’ General have found so fucking amusing as to quote them in the comments. The pain and immobility that my “parents” could give a fuck about as I get down on the fucking floor every day to clean out the cat box (as I did the first time that I was taken over there after getting home from the hospital, in that full-body plastic & metal brace). The same fucking shit for NINE MOTHERFUCKING YEARRRRRSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!

No, it’s not the same thing as cancer or a stroke or diabetes or an amputation or MS or AIDS or any of a billion worse things in the universe. No, I’m not “completely” crippled “yet.”

But fuck me sideways with a chainsaw if I deserve to be going through this fucking shit FOR A THIRD FUCKING TIME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Dick Cheney deserves this. Chili Bean Gonzales deserves this. Milosevic deserves this. Rumsfeld deserves this. Unless I actually WAS Hitler in a past life, I don’t fucking deserve this shit. I used to think that I must’ve given the Original Short Angry Man a handy under the podium to deserve my “USUAL” life, but judging from what seems to be my life’s ENTIRE FATE of suffering through and dealing with a spine that won’t heal — yup, I had to have been Hitler in my past life. Or Prescot Bush, his main ass-licking sychophantic lap-dog.

I want to find some magical money and run away to New Orleans for a weekend, with Oldest Niece along to help with the driving (my road-trip days are, apparently, gone forever) and to go to the Aquarium with me (I lived there for 12 years and never got to go), then I can take her to the Museum Of Art (I’ve been, but she hasn’t) and the Dungeon and to Henry’s Soul Food (if it’s still there) for Sunday Dinner.

I want to shave my fucking head and have it tattooed with a picture of Tater or a skull & crossbones.

I want to run, screaming into the night with a semi-automatic weapon, trying to track-down all of the hacks who call themselves “doctors” who’ve put me through nine years of pointless fucking hell.

I want to find Dick Cheney’s “undisclosed location” inside some mountain in Wyoming and make him confess, on video, to all of his embezzlement (via Halliburton & Blackwater) and war crimes.

I want to get back to the ocean and just stay there until I die, watching the water and being at peace.

I want to go back and re-do the past 10 years of my fucked-up joke of a life, and think of a way to keep Nannie & Tater on the planet.

I want to sue the entire Louisiana Department Of Health & Hospitals for putting me through all of those years of torture at Charity. I want to sue the FUCK out of Dr. Smartass and own that steel-and-glass frou-frou building behind the Lady Of The Lake hospital. I want to find the inept motherfuckers who “manufactured” this whole hardware clusterfuck that’s currently causing me excruciating pain and ram my GMC pickup up THEIR asses, so that they can feel just a FRACTION of the pain and aggravation and torment that I’ve been through over the past nine years.

I want a full-body massage by a licensed therapist.

I want an inversion board so that my spine can decompress from the weight and stress and tension that is squishing it into a useless lump of concrete every fucking day.

I want a TV antenna that will pick up the WHOLE signal, as opposed to the static-and-fuzz shit that I get now.

I want a remote for my DVD player that actually WORKS.

I want a recliner that doesn’t have fucked-up springs stabbing me in the ass, that Dullard McDumbass hasn’t totally DESTROYED the inner workings & foundation of, and that isn’t FAKE “leather” that the Fallen Uterus charged my Nannie FULL LEATHER PRICE FOR.

I want to move so far away from the Fallen Uterus and Her Dick that I never have to see them again, and to be able to live with MY cats again, permanently.

I want for my life to have meant something more than bitching, suffering, and pointless misery.

I want to be able to write about more than the hell that other people keep putting me through.

I want my spine back.

I want to have never gone to that useless-as-tits-on-a-boar-hog job fair at the Superdome in January of 1998, ’cause then I’d never have been rear-ended by that asinine old man with no insurance in his hoopty-ass truck, coming off of the interstate onto Claiborne at 45 mph into my fully-stopped car.

I want my life back.
I want to never have to deal with this shit again.
I want my brain to be what it was before I ever had to take those painkillers.
I want to start over.

4/11/07 UPDATE:


Turns out, after the world’s slowest, most painful MRI in history, it’s not just ONE herniated disk (as was reported by Pain-Management Sleazebag back in September), it’s MULTIPLE HERNIATED DISKS, bone spurs, deformed vertebra, and permanent nerve damage. And people wonder why I need so fucking many drugs to get any fucking sleep. AND THE BEST PART IS, Dr. Smartass has absofuckinglutely NO fucking interest in FIXING MY FUCKED-UP NECK. Nooooo, he wants to put me under the knife immediately for my knees-of-a-65-year-old (WELL, DUH, MOTHERFUCKER!!!), that have been causing me agony and unemployment for TWENTY-ONE FUCKING YEARS.

I’m not in such a fucking hurry on the knees. Not like I’m going to be rollerskating or sucking dick anytime soon, anyway. If ever again.

I’m a LITTLE more fucking concerned WITH THE FUCKED-UP FOR THE THIRD TIME SPINE, MOTHERFUCKER, and finding out who’s at fault here. Since Dr. Smartass won’t get off of his ass and TELL ME THE FUCKING TRUTH about it, and keeps CHANGING THE FUCKING SUBJECT WHEN I ASK DIRECT QUESTIONS ABOUT IT, I’m getting a lawyer (hopefully very soon) and a second opinion. I’ve got the CT scans, and I’m ready to rip somebody a new asshole, whether it be Dr. Smartass, the manufacturers of the broken fucking screw, or Rip fucking Taylor. SOMEBODY IS GOING TO FIX THIS SHIT AND PAY FOR THE HELL THAT THEY’VE PUT ME THROUGH FOR NINE MOTHERFUCKING YEARS. If I can’t get the cocksuckers at the Louisiana State Department Of Health & Hospitals (aren’t those statutes of limitations just OOOOHHHHHHHH SO FUCKING CONVENIENT FOR THE DOCTORS AND THE LAWYERS WHO CODDLE THE MOTHERFUCKERS?!?!?!?!?) to pay-up and put forth some MAJOR fucking apologies for what THEY did to me, if I can’t gut Morris Bart with a rusty spoon and leave him on the interstate for evening traffic, then Dr. Smartass and whomever made the faulty screw will have to bear the brunt.

Get yer justice where you can, kids, ’cause you won’t get a second chance or the benefit of 20/20 hindsight. THEN I’m gonna get the neck fixed, dammit. And maybe by then, somebody will have come up with some neoprene inserts/injections to replace the long-gone cartilege in my gnarled/scarred/warped knees.

This post is under “Uncategorized” and has 16 respond so far.
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16 Responds so far- Add one»

  1. 1. home_kmw Said:

    Dear Annti: I would like to do something to help you, even if it is a smalish thing. Please let me know what I could do for you.

    My leg was badly broken 3 years ago, (smashed by a boulder) but the surgeon, Dr. Parlesca, fixed it so well I don’t even limp He doesn’t do spines, but perhaps he could recommend a surgeon who could help you. I live in Sparks Nevada, near Reno.

    Don’t know what else to say. I am sorry for your pain. Back injurys are the worst. I think you can be compared to amputees, etc. without much exageration.

    Regards, Kathy Williams in Sparks

  2. 2. democommie Said:

    Hello, Annti:

    I know about .001% of what you are going through. My doctor just set me up for a consult with the surgeon/barbers. He says that my lumbar spine is pretty much junk and it’s time to do something. I’ll just have to see what they’ve got in mind. It is a very hard decision to make when you are not in excruciating pain day in and day out, but this year I have health insurance (COBRA) and next year I might not. They aren’t even addressing the cervical spine issues at the moment. I had two MRI’s a few weeks back (after hammering those fucking swine at VzBenefits/Hewitt for about 3-1/2 months non-stop to get what I was entitled to). I’ve had a taste of the kind of pain you’re talking about when I was out for a couple of weeks in ’06, but I’ll just have to wait to see what sort of torture they have in mind now.

    Hang in there, honey, we all know how tough you are but it doesn’t mean we don’t think you need and deserve our love and support. You have mine and I’m sure that of our other blog friends, as well.

    Peace, out.

  3. 3. Anntichrist S. Coulter Said:

    Thank y’all so much. Kathy, darlin’, if you’ve got a really good malpractice lawyer and a winning Powerball ticket, send ’em both! Medicare patients just don’t get the same quality of care as the rich bitches, I can promise you that.

    And DemoCom, babydoll, I feel your pain. And I hope to hell that your COBRA will get you to the specialists who are the TOPS in their fields and that they will have you fixed, healed, and back to being your usual badass self in no time! Then you can come down here and help me tire-tool the fuck out of Dr. Smartass and that ambulance-chasing scumbag demonspawn who fucked me up in the first fucking place, k?

    And I’m going to add a P.S. to this post, when these sleeping pills wear off, about how my NECK was never treated in that same 1998 wreck and how I’ve got multiple herniated disks, bone spurs, bone damage, and probably irreparable nerve damage BECAUSE OF THOSE FUCKING HACKS at the ambulance chaser’s and CHARITY MOTHERFUCKING HOSPITAL.

    Maybe tomorrow, the stomach-chewing rage will subside enough to post about that semi-intelligently.

    Love y’all.

  4. 4. Auntie Roo Said:

    Hon – I hope the rant helped purge some of the righteous anger you’re feeling. I’m guessing that even you, Queen on the Rants, had trouble getting the depths of your rage through your fingertips onto this screen. Did your keyboard start melting from it?

    Anyway, I ain’t got no words of wisdom to help you through this hell on Earth that you’re going through. I wish that I did. I wish that I could help in some small way to ease your pain. :SIGH:

    ps: I’d pay good money to see you work Old Biggus Dickus over. That image did put a bit of a smile on my face. Maybe I can trade some of my stockpile of canned fruit to get an invite…

  5. 5. Donnie McDaniel Said:

    I know your anger with doctors!! I got my knee operated on in the Marines. Some Navy doctor screwed my knee up worse than it was before, and caused me to be put out on a medical. Those assholes disabled me for life and told me I would have to have a knee replacement later in life. To add insult to injury, I get a whole $115 a month from the VA for that shit!!!! I fuckng hate doctors!!!!!!

  6. 6. Terrible Said:

    Well Annti I guess you already know that about the only help I’d be is on the tire-tool mission. Be glad to help with that! I sure do agree with you not deserving this and there being lots of people out there who deserve it and much worse. It’s damn sickening to stop and think about those that don’t deserve it but still get the best medical care in the world and get it only because of their riding on the backs of the working people of this country. And those working people getting screwed every which way by those same SOBs. I’m a wishing and a hoping for a swift positive outcome for you soon! I’ll have to do some thinking and looking around and see if I can’t find some people friendly law firm somewhere to send your way. Don’t hold your breath or nothing like that though, lawyer and people friendly don’t too often fall together.

  7. 7. Anne Johnson Said:

    I just do not know what to say but “Love always.” Now I’m gonna start playing the goddamn powerball just to win you some dough.

  8. 8. Saborlas Said:

    There’s a switcheroo: COBRA offers better medical insurance than anything G. I. Joe has!

    /considering how they always got their asses kicked, they’d need it
    //didst thou notice mine subtle barb about the inferior medical care that our very own soldiers doth face? ‘Tis practically a reversion to leeches and trepanation!
    ///get well soon, preferably sometime before you give yourself an ulcer!

  9. 9. oyster Said:

    Sorry you’re going thru this endless hell, Annti. I echo anne johnson’s sentiments.

  10. 10. Leigh C. Said:

    Shit on a thousand sticks, honey! This is AWFUL! We should all pool our resources and buy out a few convenience stores’ stocks of Powerball tix.

  11. 11. Morwen Said:

    Oh Goddess lady! You have definitely been getting a screw job on this poop.

    I can’t say I hate doctors, but the medical world has fucked my body up and down with the meds… but at least I’m ambulatory.

    When you decide to go hunting down the pricks, give me a yell. I have an arsenal of swords and gruesome knives that’ll make them shit a brick as they are disemboweled.

  12. 12. sophmom Said:

    I’m so sorry this happened. I don’t know where you are but I do know a really good malpractice attorney in Atlanta (who works on contingency). He’s an MD (Duke) and JD (Georgetown). His name is Roderick Edmonds.

  13. 13. Anntichrist S. Coulter Said:

    Thank y’all so much. I’ll look that guy up, Sophmom, see if he’s got anybody in Louisiana. I’ve made a free-consultation appt. with a guy that I found online (he was the least smarmy out of all of the medical-malpractice lawyers), I’ll let y’all know how it goes, and if he can get me a 2nd-opinion doctor who can determine what got fucked-up.

    Morwen, kiddo, I like the cut of your jib. Just hold off on the vivisections until I get some justice out of these motherfuckers, k? Like, enough money to REALLY fix my fucking back, buy a new a/c compressor for my pickup, and finally get my front teeth back in (since the implant floated off into the Gulf of Mexico, thanks to Charity fucking me around for over a year). If I get really lucky, maybe I’ll make it back to NOLA. But I ain’t holding my breath, either. Lawyers & doctors always win, or at least they always have, thus far.

    Oyster & Anne, y’all say it very well. Thanks.

    Donnie & Roo, I know that y’all know exactly what I’ve been going through — Donnie, imagine VA hospitals, MINUS MOST OF THE BUDGET, and TWICE THE SHIT-HEEL ATTITUDE TOWARDS THE PATIENTS — and that’s Charity Hospital in a nutshell. Then add-in an assload of bible-banging half-illiterate support staff, who use state money to run-off Jeebus/catholicism brochures (’cause JEEEEBUS will fix what Charity Hospital wouldn’t!!!), and that’s about it. Oh, and do they still treat VA patients like big guinea pigs? ‘Cause that’s what Charity was — a biiiiiiiig ol’ warm-up, practice lot for doctors-on-training-wheels. I know that the Pentagon used enlisted as guinea pigs for a lot of shit back in the ’50s & ’60s — are they still doing that? And Roo, darlin’ heart, we are on the same page. Ain’t easy bein’ a “federal employee,” is it. People in the “health “care” industry” treat us like we don’t DESERVE real healthcare, like we’re just supposed to shut the fuck up and take what they give us, THE LEFTOVERS and the HALF-ASSED PERFORMANCE OF THEIR DUTIES, ’cause who the fuck are WE to complain, right?

    If we had the energy & the wherewithal, we need to start a fucking REVOLUTION of the disabled in this country — we need to overthrow & rebuild the entire fucking Social Security, Medicare & Medicaid systems. And every single republicunt appointee has got to fucking GO. NOW.

    Saborlas, honey, I got your point and then some, but hey, you DID see the whole Walter Reed thing, right? That’s not even the tip of the fucking iceberg when it comes to the VA and veterans’ rights.

    Terrible, darlin’ — ya think that you & Morwen could do a road trip, after I *do* get some justice outta these mofos? ‘Cause if there’s anybody that I’d proudly hand over my four-way tire-tool to as a deputized ass-kicker, it’s you, honey.

    Leigh & Anne — holler at me when you hit those powerball numbers! Margarita party at my place!

  14. 14. Ashley Said:

    Hey, I know a top notch medical malpractice attorney. He’s actually a human being — he used to be a social worker until he finished law school. Let me know and I’ll hook you up.

    I broke C1, but it healed well enough. I went through 3+ years of hell with my leg, with 9 surgeries and more to go. All the hardware is out now, and it will make a fine shadowbox. They kept rotating me from percocet to demerol to vicodin to tylenol 4 in hopes that I wouldn’t build up a tolerance. Feh.

    But nothing’s like a back. Hang on, babe.

  15. 15. Ashley Said:

    Here’s the guy. He’s a friend of mine, and his place in Covington got whacked by Katrina. He’s one of us.

    Mention my name — he’ll treat you right and fight like hell.

  16. 16. Anntichrist S. Coulter Said:

    Thanks, Ashley!

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