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It’s a boy!

Posted by Anntichrist S Coulter on September 23, 2006 – 4:24 am

Yup. Mom & baby are both healthy, and I’m a great-aunt for the third time.

And, just to get it out of the way, NO, I did not help pick out the boy’s name, the babydaddy did that all by himself.

I suggested twenty or thirty OTHER names, but would anybody listen to me?!?!

Noooooooooo, of course not.

The babydaddy, btw, is a huge fan of horror films.

You can probably guess where I’m going with this.

Try to refrain from the more obvious jokes, if you can.

They named this darling little boy…

Wait for it…


I shit y’all not.

And I’m not even going INTO the middle or last names, ’cause there’s too many whack-jobs in the world who steal babies or stalk people or whatever, and besides, the middle name is worse than the first.

Make whatever jokes you must, but remember — this is NOT my fault!!!!!!

Besides, nobody in my quote-unquote “family” knows what my online nickname is, so don’t even go there.

I just hope that the kid has a really good sense of humor.

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13 Responds so far- Add one»

  1. 1. Mentis Fugit Said:

    I don’t think it’s a joke, Annti. I don’t think it’s not a joke either. Damien is a name I don’t think anybody with an ounce of sense should have any trouble dealing with.

    What I definitely think wasn’t a joke was the kid I met a few years ago – the offspring of a friend of a friend of the family – who was condemned to walk this Earth answering to the name of (two can play this game)

    Wait for it…



    (On a peripheral note, if you haven’t read “Good Omens” by Neil Gaiman and Terry Pratchett, do so.)

  2. 2. Mentis Fugit Said:

    Gah, premature expostulation.

    Point for the parents in my comment: don’t force your kids to fight your battles.

    And congratulations on trifectoid great-aunthood.

  3. 3. amerikan_psycho Said:

    mentas fugit: if you haven’t read “Good Omens” by Neil Gaiman and Terry Pratchett, do so.

    i adore Neil Gaiman’s graphic fiction (e.g., Sandman and his other work especially w/Dave McKean) but could neither stand Good Omens or American Gods and told him so. he actually emailed me back and we had a nice convo going for awhile, mostly on our kitties dying at the time.

    but y’know, opinions are like assholes; everyone’s got one. :-)

  4. 4. kingweasil Said:

    coulda been grimm or hitchcock

  5. 5. Anne Johnson Said:

    I thought GOOD OMENS was boring.

    Mostly I don’t think lil’ Damien will have trouble with his name until he gets to be an adult. Kids don’t know their Satanic lore. On the other hand, will some pal nickname him “Damn?”

    If the father of this tot has celestial ambitions for him, please be advised that the position of Satan is filled. Satan stops by my blog from time to time to chat (he visited this past week). He’d love to find a loophole in his contract, but he can’t.

    I have a nephew named Theodore, so I never comment on anyone else’s boy name.

  6. 6. CapMidnight Said:

    I forgot to take the garbage out last month, and had a sort of “housefly event.”

    I named the cutest maggot “Sean Hannity.”

    Unfortunately, “Rush Limbaugh” burrowed down into something mushy, and I never saw him again.

    “Bill O’Reilly” was wriggling as if he had something important to communicate, but I guess we’ll never know.

  7. 7. Anntichrist S. Coulter Said:

    Midnight, sometimes I worry ’bout you, y’know… heh heh heh…

    And Anne, I don’t think that Damien’s going to be shooting for the Big Job, but he might make a great strategist… Tell Satan to keep a slot open… heh.

    Kingweasil — Don’t give ’em any more IDEAS!!!!!!

    Rimone — yes, opinions ARE like assholes, everybody’s got ’em, and a lot of ’em STINK!!! (See also: Midnight’s maggot melodrama — that’s three prime examples of stinky assholes)

    And Mentis… I don’t even know what to add to that… That poor kid. Could be a Lizzie Borden in the making, I guess…

    Thank you all for the kind words, and now it’s time for Aunty Annti Ranty to go crash into a coma. I’ve been awake waaaayyyyyyy too long today, and came home to overdraft charges from the bank (because THEY fucked-up and credited my account too much money, and me, the dumbass, went out and bought food, vitamins, and cigarettes), and I am not even going to open that bright-yellow letter until Monday.

    Next month, they’re going to take half of my SSDI/SSI check, I know it.

    I’m too stupid sometimes to be allowed outside by myself.

    Again, thank you all, and sweet dreams for tonight.


  8. 8. JBlue Said:

    No kidding about the whack-jobs stealing babies. This week, I feel like we’re being inundated with them here in St. Louis.

  9. 9. Anntichrist S. Coulter Said:

    Yup. Once in a great while, you hear about one who’s actually going nuts from the post-partum of losing a baby or something, but generally, they’re just flat-out frog-fucking CRAZY.

    As if having a *baby*, whether it’s theirs or not, will suddenly make their life “complete.”

    This is what you get from a “society” (if we can call it that) where infants are fetishized to the point of dementia. How else would they re-enslave women to where they want us to be?

    And may the fates show mercy on any mothefucker who wants to put a hand on one of the chirren around ME — they’d have a whole lot of ass-whuppin’ coming their way.

  10. 10. amerikan_psycho Said:

    As if having a *baby*, whether it’s theirs or not, will suddenly make their life “complete.”

    you said a mouthful, as usual. :-)

    And may the fates show mercy on any mothefucker who wants to put a hand on one of the chirren around ME — they’d have a whole lot of ass-whuppin’ coming their way.

    fuck the Fates’ mercy or whatever. i’d like to KILL anyone who manhandles or otherwise physically or emotionally abuses any children anywhere. as an ex-special ed. teacher, i saw plenty of this shit and the parents were in total denial. i could’ve killed them (if i could’ve gotten away w/it).


  11. 11. Anntichrist S. Coulter Said:

    Woodchippers, m’love.

    Surely you’ve seen how they can be employed (badly, I must say) in “Fargo”???

    Yeah, well, obviously, you don’t do it in a GIANT PRAIRIE OF FRESH SNOW… but if you’ve got some spare area in the backyard, a few new rosebushes, 50 lbs. of quicklime, and a LOT of patience & attention to detail… well, y’know how roses need bone & blood meal(s) to bloom their most luxuriously?


    Think about it.

    That’s what ought to happen to cocksucking motherfuckers who hurt DISABLED CHILDREN. But slowly, and fed into the woodchipper FEET FIRST.

  12. 12. StealthBadger Said:

    “But Dad, he’s “Damnit,” I’m “Jesus Christ!”

  13. 13. Anntichrist S. Coulter Said:

    Heh heh heh… I’m guessing that your parents aren’t Southern… When you’re in trouble down here, they call you by the first AND middle names — and if you REALLY fucked-up, it’s ALLLLLLL THREE!

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