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Hi, Annti!

Posted by Realist on September 22, 2007 – 9:13 pm


As was the case last year, I’ve been harrassing the medical community to come up with a better surgical mouse trap before you start sucking ether. Drs. Watson, Frankenstein, Zaius, Franknfurter, Lecter, J, Zoidberg, Holliday, Strangelove, John, Livingston, Evil, Bombay, John, Kildare, Feelgood, Jeckyl, Mengele, Spock, all worthy healers, but they just don’t give you the same bang for a buck that Dr. Nick does.

Addressing your morbid inclination toward a glass half full; “if I die on the table”, Dr. Nick banishes such thoughts with spine stiffening confidence; “The coroner…I’m so sick of that guy!”

He also eschews the bland diet other, less progressive, sawbones recommend post-op. A gal needs those neglected food groups to combat the common ‘withering away’ that just tea and toast brings on. Dr. Nick’s nutritional guide is very big on:

1) The whipped group.
2) The congealed group.
3) The choco-tastic.

Finally, and here’s why he charges that lordly $129.95, the genius part that sets him apart from your Schweitzers, the reason he was such a whiz kid in his class at Club Med School,

“Holy Smokes! You need booze!”

Relax, Squirt, it’s gonna be all right!

The much senior partner in our hideous twining,


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4 Responds so far- Add one»

  1. 1. RenB Said:

    Annti,I’ve been looking for that second last sentence for over a week now and couldn’t find them. Turns out Stinkeye hid them from me! Except it wouldn’t have been ‘Squirt’. You know….

    And Stinkeye? That gave me such a turn I burned the cheeseburgers, AND the toast, and have to go to bed hungry. That was not nice. And yes, I know I shouldn’t use italics because they lean to the right. Unnerved me.

  2. 2. Anntichrist S. Coulter Said:

    Twining or twinning? Twining sounds way kinkier than being separated-at-birth sociopathic/kinetic/psychic twins.

  3. 3. stinkeye Said:

    If cleaving is kinky then I don’t want to be right.

    http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/twining

  4. 4. Anntichrist S. Coulter Said:

    Mebbe it’s just me, but when I think of twine, I think of things being twined, wrapped-up, bound, which leads me to think of rope and bondage and leather… you know, the whole schmear, though I guess that dual umbilical cords could achieve that, as well, so long as it’s not around the neck too long…

    Never heard the “cleaving”/separation definition before, so at least I gained a word, eh?

    Were we congenitally conjoined twins? Did they tie off the joining with twine until it dropped off, the way that they used to castrate sheep?

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