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Jesus Wiipt

Posted by Realist on May 19, 2008 – 3:44 pm

jesus wiiptSitzpinkling, or peeing while sitting, has American’s true Christians in an uproar. According to the Bible real men stand and pee against a wall.

“Out of the mouth of God,”

1 Samuel 25:22
1 Samuel 25:34
1 Kings 14:10
1 Kings 16:11
1 Kings 21:21
2 Kings 9:8

People, this is critical. Watch Pastor Steven L. Anderson, of the Faithful Word Baptist Church, expound on peeing sitting down.

Leave it to the Japanese to level the playing field with the new Wii game, Pii. Just strap on your virtual wii wii and go. For you Larry Craig fans, there is a dual player mode.

P.S. Pastor Anderson’s clown car, ZsuZsuanna, likes Starbucks as long as a queer doesn’t make her non-coffee drink.


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17 Responds so far- Add one»

  1. 1. Saborlas Said:

    Obviously you have no clue what day this game hit Thinkgeek’s page.

    Hint: it was the first day of that month.

    EDIT: Don’t believe me? Try buying one.

    Wish there was a better comment editor than delete-and-redo.

  2. 2. Anntichrist S. Coulter Said:

    Yeah, sure, blame the blogger… heh.

    So, what? One can no longer purchase a virtual strap-on for scatological frivolity?

    What a fuckin’ shame.

    Pfft.

    What a waste of a strap-on anyway.

    Personally, I loved the post, whether the dildo in question is still for sale or not.

  3. 3. Anntichrist S. Coulter Said:

    Onnnnne little bitch though, about that clown car’s blog: WHYYYY!??!?!?!?! Why did you make me look at that?!?!?!

    A fucking ABORTION TICKER that is TIMED FROM THE START OF THE IRAQ WAR?!?!?!? HOW FUCKING SEVERELY FUCKING FUCKTARDED *ARE* THESE MOTHERFUCKERS?!?!?!??!?!

    Worst fucking priorities this side of Dick motherfucking CHENEY. She makes her kids wear thrift-store and hand-me-down clothes (which works for a lot of people, I know, but I’m trying to make a point here) BUT TREATS HERSELF TO HOT CHOCOLATE AND CAKE AT STARBUCK’S AT EVERY FUCKING OPPORTUNITY?!!?! Niiiiiice.

    Maybe the daughter that she doesn’t go tend to (’cause laundry is ever so much more URGENT!) will grow up to be the next Lizzie Borden (if we’re lucky!)…

    Poor girls in Africa almost DIE giving birth, at far too young an age, and THIS fucking moron is ADVOCATING OVERPOPULATION?!?!?!?!?!

    Maybe Clown Car’s fistula is up in her skull.

  4. 4. Le Petite Fromage Said:

    Did you catch this post at World O’ Crap?

    http://world-o-crap.com/blog/?p=717

  5. 5. Miss Poppy Dixon Said:

    Even my mother is going off on these Dugger-ites.

    It just seems so gross to me – having kids like it’s some kind of fucking contest. If these kids were as special as they claim they are they’d take a little time getting to know them before they go off trying to have another.

    People, it’s NOT a contest!

    And ZsuZsanne, if that is your real name, I hope DCFS takes away your kids when one of them turns up gay and you treat them with the same contempt you heap on the help at Starbucks.

    You’re dith-PICK-able!

  6. 6. mirele Said:

    Pastor Whackjob ministers in the next town over! I’m so tempted to run over there next Sunday, wearing SLACKS, of course, and introduce myself as “the Jezebel who wanted to see the guy who put up a video on YouTube preaching about pissing standing up.”

    It’s so tempting.

  7. 7. Saborlas Said:

    STILL for sale? Annti, the device in question was NEVER for sale. It was a HOAX.

    You weren’t really ON the intertubes on April Fool’s Day, were ya? It’s challenging just finding the REAL news amidst all the prank headlines.

    No, I’m not giving the other two subjects of the post the dignity of being commented on by me.

  8. 8. Miss Poppy Dixon Said:

    I’ll bet that within 18 months there WILL be a strap on wii console and a sword fighting game of some sort. It’s just too attractive on so many levels.

    There are vibrating consoles for Gameboy – they should make some sort of hybrid vibro-wii fit contraption for the ladies.

    Ah, our brave new world. Ahhh… Ahhh… Ahhh…

  9. 9. CC McGoon Said:

    Because I can’t take a good warning when given one, I just read Clown Car’s blog.

    Wow.

    It was interesting in the “Why am I doing this to myself?” sense. That crazy woman actually has a post with the title of “Women 101″ which consists of one paragraph talking about how she ignored her crying toddler. I’m not quite sure what information about women I was supposed to learn from that, except maybe that she considers herself representing all women in caring more about laundry than a potentially hurt toddler.

  10. 10. Anntichrist S. Coulter Said:

    CC, THAT’S what I’m saying!!! Mirele, if you really DO live one town over from these FREAKS, and you DON’T call Child Protective Services on this malfeasant FUCKTARD, I swear, I will come up there and do it MYSELF!!!

    Hell, I could use the road trip…

    And Jackas, if you can’t send a poster a heads-up about an April Fool’s post, rather than mocking her openly in her own comments, then take that passive-aggressive snotty shit back to BlondeSense. Ain’t nobody here to humiliate ANY OF OUR OWN. You’ll notice that you’re one of several dozen people that I *didn’t* invite to blog here.

    Think about that.

    Maybe Miss Poppy knew it was an April Fool’s joke and didn’t give a fuck, maybe she didn’t know. Either way, it’s a perfect exemplification of the scato-sexual obsessions of 99.9% of all game/role-playing DORKS. Maybe she posted it just to PISS YOU OFF. Which is surely to be preferred to being pissed-upon BY YOU.
    If I gave a fuck, I might start to think that you were dispatched here SPECIFICALLY BY THE TWO-FACED HACKS at a certain blog, just to piss me off. I hope that you get gold stars on your little report card, you twit. Then go find out where my dangly-star earrings are, ’cause they sure as hell don’t belong in MISSOURI. I’m sure that you and Father Tyme have numerous chuckles about how he PURPOSEFULLY DESTROYED MY COMPUTER and then got his just reward by being INVITED TO BLOG. Should I continue? No, you’re not fucking worth it.

    GETTING BACK TO THE REAL FUCKING ISSUES HERE: Who wants to ride shotgun when I go to repossess the clown car’s overused uterus?

  11. 11. Anntichrist S. Coulter Said:

    P.S. LPF, were you the one who posted (@ WoC) about the masturbating cat?

    Sorry, I couldn’t help myself… heh heh heh… I still wish that I could’ve opened that video file…

  12. 12. Terrible Said:

    If a man isn’t supposed to pee sitting down then I assume he shouldn’t shit sitting down either? Wouldn’t squatting be the correct position?

  13. 13. Saborlas Said:

    That did it.

    I admit I’m fairly snarky. But you are fucking PARANOID. Doing nothing but putting words in my mouth and showing off some of the shittiest psychoanalysis I’ve ever seen. let me see if I can remember the last compliment I got from you… hmm… drawing a blank. Oh, that’s right… every compliment I ever got from you had a backhanded insult thrown in. Probably due to the delusion that signs of self-esteem are actually getting a big ego or something.

    Now you think I’m some kinda saboteur or agent provocateur from another blog? WHAT. THE. FUCK. Folks, this is what happens when you go off your meds. I’m not allowed to disagree? Any opinion that deviates from the established groupthink is automatically an attempt to troll?

    I see now why you started this site… so you could rant and rave about the news stories that your brain twists into something completely different, while surrounded by yes-men (women? iguanas?) who never stand up to you on anything. You were driven from Blondesense because you’re a hateful, bitter person who treats people like SHIT. I followed you here because I hadn’t realized that yet and enjoyed it when you unleashed one of your amazing rants against someone who actually deserved it.

    By the way: NO ONE GIVES A FLYING FUCK ABOUT YOUR DOMINATRIX JOB! If you think you learned anything about men from it, you’re doing it wrong. The type of men who need to HIRE a dominatrix are clearly atypical and dysfunctional. Just thought I’d shoot that tired old horse before you trotted it out.

    Fuck this. You’re off my blogodex. Don’t bother trying to email me, either. Blocklists going up. For once, someone else gets the last word.

    For everyone else here, I apologize for putting you through this. But sometimes I just gotta defend myself. And I have to remind myself that it’s not my responsibility to save someone from their own nature.

    I’m out. Keep the FAIL.

  14. 14. Anntichrist S. Coulter Said:

    Whatever you have to tell yourself, dear.

    I was never “driven” from ANYWHERE. I left because I wanted to get away from superficial ass-kissers and pseudo “society” twats who have to believe that their shit don’t stink. Shallow psycho bitches who WANT TO PURPOSEFULLY ERASE THE MEMORY OF THE KATRINA GENOCIDE IN FAVOR OF DOING “CUTESY” SHIT. THAT is why I left BlondeSense.

    And you come here and shit on EVERYBODY HERE, and I’m supposed to not only ALLOW THAT but to BACK YOU UP?!?! Fuck that and fuck you.

    That’s probably the most action (physical, emotional or otherwise) that you’ll get all fucking year, and as we all know that you so DESPERATELY define yourself by sexual activity, I’m sure that it’ll be a perk for you.

    “Groupthink,” yeahhhh, THAT’S what we’re doing here. Suuuuure. Ask the other bloggers here. See if they think or act or do ANYTHING exactly like I do, or even remotely similarly.

    Grow the fuck up, child. Stop flattering yourself into believing that you are the center of the fucking universe and that you are THE expert on EVERYFUCKINGTHING IN THAT UNIVERSE, ’cause you’re not. Maybe that’s why you get on so well with people like “Father Tyme” — y’all love to do your own ego strokes, or maybe y’all trade-off from time to time, who gives a fuck.

    Don’t try to change the story here, pumpkin. It’s not about “being allowed to disagree,” and you damned well know it. It’s about you sniping from the shrubbery at every fucking thing that anyone posts here. What is your fucking ISSUE with that? Are you THAT deprived of attention? Fuck, I live ALONE (’cause I fucking LIKE IT THAT WAY), and I’m not THAT fucking needy.

    Whatever Miss Poppy’s reasons for deciding to post the wii-wii link, that’s HER fucking decision, and it’s not for YOU or any other little pissant (unless you’re going to go full-bore over to LGF, where I believe your attitude towards women would fit-in just FINE) to shoot down or denigrate in any fucking fashion.

    I defend my people. I don’t just throw ‘em out here and let any little fucker with a half-a-chub against ALL OF HUMANITY take pot-shots at them. You could have mentioned it to her as an ADULT, maybe ASKED HER ABOUT IT, like any respectful ADULT would have done, but you chose to MAKE FUN OF HER like a bitchy little brat. That might get you really fucking far in your little pretend worlds, but on this motherfucking blog, THAT SHIT DON’T FLY.

    So ban, block, whatever it is that makes you feel like a man, kid, I don’t give a flying rat-fuck. You’ve never been a true friend to me, I’ve tried to be patient and understanding with you (and believe me, few people get that much rope), and you’ve never GROWN THE FUCK UP. You wouldn’t know how to “save” anybody from anything any more than you could sing fucking OPERA, ’cause you’d have to GIVE A FUCK ABOUT OTHERS. And far as I’ve seen, NOBODY ASKED FOR YOUR MARTYR-FLAVORED KOOL-AID. I sure as hell didn’t.

    So go on and play your little fucking games wherever you gotta play ‘em, ’cause they won’t be missed here.

    Oh, and I can make all of the jokes about dominatrices or anybody or anything else that I want, ’cause, y’know, that shit strikes me as funny. ANYBODY who needs to live in role-playing “games” strikes me as FALL-DOWN FUCKING HYSTERICAL.

    I lost most of my sense of humor a long fucking time ago, but hell, if there’s something that WILL make me laugh, I’ll take it. And you, m’dear, are an endless source of material.

  15. 15. Miss Poppy Dixon Said:

    Hey, I didn’t know it was a joke, but it doesn’t really matter either way. It’s still funny. And I’m way past caring about making a fool of myself, or of anyone else helping me out with that – thank you very much all the same.

    What do they say? Being right is the booby prize?

    In this amazing glittery world, snarkiness tumbles like faded leaves to feed new wondrous life and ideas. It doesn’t matter.

    Let’s be friends. Best friends. =)

    (Take advantage of me while I’m still medicated! BTW, I took my first steps today – after a month! VERY exciting. In a month or two I’ll be as good as new and back in the ocean!)

  16. 16. Anntichrist S. Coulter Said:

    Damn, Poppy, and I thought that *I* was on the good shit!

    Congrats on the progress, and thanks for the update!

  17. 17. Realist Said:

    I’ll have you know, Miss P, that almost a week later I’m still trying to get the mental image left by your “Larry Craig fans” crack out of my head. Ugh.

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